loneliness

is when there is only me,
only me
for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
only me in my single bed alone,
only me in this damn house
i don't call home

who do u think i should call?
what excuses u think i'm making
what else should i buy
who else should i talk to
what else should i do
or not do?

why am i here to feel all these?

Seems like it was yesterday.

you know how i try to please you.

it's okay.
you can hurt my feelings.
but u can't own it.

Baby are you down..down...down...down~~

Lately i have been rather down. I don't know why. There's a lot i'm dissatisfied with. i feel ashamed to complain outwardly because who wants to listen to your complains?? I hate listening to people complain. So i complained inwardly. I become rude to people close to me whom I feel I'm compromising with. I felt sold out. No more to give. Occasionally i wake up feeling nauseous and reluctant to get out of bed. I wonder what's wrong with me. What happened to my spirit? My dreams. I know I am lost somewhere.

I am the youth of the instant gratification generation. I take things for granted. I wish to be rewarded for my hard work quickly. I lack empathy. The truth is I dream, but i let it go. Caught up in the busy-ness of the days. the wants that i presumed were needs. It makes me feel a little lost. What is life now? Without a dream, without a goal?

Pray to God to let me pull through this phase. I know i will come back to being the cheerful, passionate about life Suz. I just need to sort through some mess. just a little more to wallow and.............complain.

apa yang hang mau??

there must have been more. than wanting more.

i have everything now.

Life is not the most perfect thing in the world. 

i know

but, why do i feel in need

wanting something. 

there's a void in me

like a black hole

yearning 

to capture every ray of light that passes by. 

I am not perfect

i know. 

but it should be enough. 

what needs to be filled?

what needs to be done?

what do i need to have

who do i have to be.

how come it's not enough? 

can i have something that will completely fill me

never leave me?

if there is then tell me what it is.

i need to know