Monday, May 23, 2011


Walking pass the pasar malam that used to excite the hell out of  me, brings back waves of nostalgia. i remembered how wide and sparkling my eyes must have been, looking at all the varieties of food and trinkets on display.

Shiny, tiny treasures that bellows hellos; promising nothing but cheap luxury. Oh, how can you tell? I thought they look expensive. Or so, you tell your inner auntie. It must have been the adrenaline rush from the excitement that must have made the food so good last time. It never did taste the same. You chew and slurp and nod your head automatically. This taste good ya. Oooh, so crunchy. The act was too robotic to be natural. It's astonishing how well rehearsed we are.

Another friend took a picture of the food. I am going to message this to Little Chicken! What shall we say? Hah! Here, having your favourite smelly tofu with your favourite girl. Too bad Penang doesn't have both! I felt a lump forming in the middle of my chest. I gulped a few times thinking that the forceful motion would push the ball of nothing into my tummy. at least it will get digested there. But nothingness doesn't get digested nor does it get pushed down by gulping. Futile. Nothingness doesn't get dissolved!!! How can you breakdown a nothing?

Yes, I am again flooded with nostalgia. I said something funny and everyone else laughed. There, there a crease smoothened. But, again I felt my vision became a little glazed as i chew on my plastic spoon. That lump must have been a vortex. It needs to be filled, but we all know it is bottomless. I want to relive the memories of the past. Back when you and i, we still believes in the books. I blame it on the telly really! It never occurred to me it would be different. We would find our passion. Work real hard. We would be rewarded. The good prevails. I am good. And, evil, their politics just got backfired! You are evil. We would believe that all human beings are meant to do something good. Everyone will have a benefit of a doubt. There wouldn't be......resentment.

But, today is the present!! Well, i don't want a present if it doesn't makes me happy!! No one said it's going to make you happy. The past is gone. Let it go. Easier said than done. Hah!! Another cliche, right back at you!!

Smugly, i took the last bite of my smelly tofu. It smelled like rubbish but it taste damn good.

p/s- partly fiction, partly truth. for one, we did go to the pasar malam. for two, i am not the favourite girl, she's my best friend and no, i have no intentions to be little chicken's favourite girl.

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